‘If everyone chips in 10 bucks we can probably get some cocaine,’ says a long-haired businessman in an orange velvet suit, while a skinny woman in six-inch heels falls over the couch, spilling her champagne.

It’s 3am. I’m in the Sydney apartment of a well-known media personality, surrounded by C-list TV stars, fashion industry types, models and socialites. Everyone is wearing very expensive clothing, and everyone is extremely drunk. Including me.

‘Look, there’s 20 of us, if we each put in 10 bucks…’ Mr Orange Suit continues, eyes wild as he scans the room for supporters. ‘Honestly, I’ve got a guy, he can be here in 20 minutes. Who’s in?’